2008 Woodie Awards
PBDBCD, or Post-Break Dead Brain Cell Disorder: a rare but persistent problem
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Elias Altman
Issue date: 1/23/07 Section: Columns
- Page 1 of 1
On the first day of second semester classes, Jason Stockman awoke to a rude surprise: he could neither read nor write. Stockman first noticed the problem when he went to the bathroom to not shower and not brush his teeth.
"I was peeing, you know, with one hand against the wall, when I saw the tube of toothpaste that I never use. It was, like, decorated with a bunch of bright lines and zig-zags," Stockman recounted.
"I just couldn't read it," he went on. "It might as well have been written in sign language."
[Editor's Note: We are not sure if Stockman meant Braille or just pictographs of hand signs, but we find the statement deeply troubling.]
When Stockman went to examine his class schedule, he found that he was incapable
of deciphering the "Tetris-like combination of horizontal and vertical lines."
Stockman reported the problem to his mother. June Stockman, scared that her son had a tumor, called the only neurosurgeon in Burlington, Dr. Gregory Mendel.
"After talking with Stockman, I knew we were dealing with an acute case of PBDBCD,"
Dr. Mendel said.
PBDBCD, or Post-Break Dead Brain Cell Disorder, is a rare but persistent problem for college students across the country.
The extreme shock that the frontal lobe of the neocortex undergoes - from peak-usage during exam week to none at all during a couch-ridden vacation with nightly intoxication
has crippling effects on the brain.
"PBDBCD is to college students what gout was to the 18th century British aristocracy,"
Dr. Mendel said to Stockman.
Later, Stockman confessed "I didn't understand what he meant. I don't get analogies. I hated the SATs.
"I was peeing, you know, with one hand against the wall, when I saw the tube of toothpaste that I never use. It was, like, decorated with a bunch of bright lines and zig-zags," Stockman recounted.
"I just couldn't read it," he went on. "It might as well have been written in sign language."
[Editor's Note: We are not sure if Stockman meant Braille or just pictographs of hand signs, but we find the statement deeply troubling.]
When Stockman went to examine his class schedule, he found that he was incapable
of deciphering the "Tetris-like combination of horizontal and vertical lines."
Stockman reported the problem to his mother. June Stockman, scared that her son had a tumor, called the only neurosurgeon in Burlington, Dr. Gregory Mendel.
"After talking with Stockman, I knew we were dealing with an acute case of PBDBCD,"
Dr. Mendel said.
PBDBCD, or Post-Break Dead Brain Cell Disorder, is a rare but persistent problem for college students across the country.
The extreme shock that the frontal lobe of the neocortex undergoes - from peak-usage during exam week to none at all during a couch-ridden vacation with nightly intoxication
has crippling effects on the brain.
"PBDBCD is to college students what gout was to the 18th century British aristocracy,"
Dr. Mendel said to Stockman.
Later, Stockman confessed "I didn't understand what he meant. I don't get analogies. I hated the SATs.
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