2008 Woodie Awards
The Rocks in Your Shoes
Ben Shupe
Issue date: 2/6/07 Section: B Side
- Page 1 of 1
The UVM tundra: the area formerly known as "the green" is now a naked white expanse of ice covered snow, uninviting to even the hardiest of snow frolickers. If your lungs can handle the abominable chill, your breath makes such cor¬poreal clouds of steam that you're tempted to try that sailboat trick Gandalf did in the Lord of the Rings.
Every surface is covered with inches of fluffy white flakes, and the dark clouds in the sky only promise more to come. Welcome to winter in Vermont.
Vermonters are very proud of their wintertime. I can't even mention the word 'snowday' without the near¬est native telling me about the time they were snowed-in at their house for so long they had to shoot moose for food from their attic win¬dows.
When I was accepted to UVM, Vermonters who went to my high school gener¬ously offered use of their snowmobiles, snowshoes and dogsleds. I just laughed at them. After all, I'm from North-Western Mass. We're of a breed that keeps not one, but two ice scraping snow¬brushes stationed in our cars all year round, and we know the plowman on a first name basis.
But it's not the mere frigid ness that makes the Burlington winter any worse than ours at home; here, it is also a heck of a lot sneakier.
I was taken completely by surprise when I came back to school and had to spend my first hour defrost¬ing. Ordinarily I'm used to a winter that arrives gradu¬ally, so that by the time the temperature drops below zero I'm acclimated. Instead, my first foray into the newly expanded Arctic Circle included my two heaviest (dorkiest) sweaters, my grandmother's floor-length down coat, multiple layers of gloves, a hat that completely blocks my peripheral vision, two scarves, and a portable space heater.
Only a third of my face was bared to the elements, but that seemed to be enough to tempt the Frostbite Fairies (which is what I'd call my band, if I had one). Trudg¬ing to the Marsh Life Sci¬ence Center, my ocular fluid slowly began to freeze. My cheeks went numb before the biting wind, and I could no longer pronounce words with 'o' and 'w' in them. My nose, on the other hand, seemed to be melting.
As a result, I am now pro-hibernation. I can't find a downside! You eat as much fattening food as you like in the fall, spend the cold months wrapped up in an enchilada of warmth and comfort, and when you wake up you're skinny again! Not only is it a winter survival plan, but it is also the diet of the century.
Every surface is covered with inches of fluffy white flakes, and the dark clouds in the sky only promise more to come. Welcome to winter in Vermont.
Vermonters are very proud of their wintertime. I can't even mention the word 'snowday' without the near¬est native telling me about the time they were snowed-in at their house for so long they had to shoot moose for food from their attic win¬dows.
When I was accepted to UVM, Vermonters who went to my high school gener¬ously offered use of their snowmobiles, snowshoes and dogsleds. I just laughed at them. After all, I'm from North-Western Mass. We're of a breed that keeps not one, but two ice scraping snow¬brushes stationed in our cars all year round, and we know the plowman on a first name basis.
But it's not the mere frigid ness that makes the Burlington winter any worse than ours at home; here, it is also a heck of a lot sneakier.
I was taken completely by surprise when I came back to school and had to spend my first hour defrost¬ing. Ordinarily I'm used to a winter that arrives gradu¬ally, so that by the time the temperature drops below zero I'm acclimated. Instead, my first foray into the newly expanded Arctic Circle included my two heaviest (dorkiest) sweaters, my grandmother's floor-length down coat, multiple layers of gloves, a hat that completely blocks my peripheral vision, two scarves, and a portable space heater.
Only a third of my face was bared to the elements, but that seemed to be enough to tempt the Frostbite Fairies (which is what I'd call my band, if I had one). Trudg¬ing to the Marsh Life Sci¬ence Center, my ocular fluid slowly began to freeze. My cheeks went numb before the biting wind, and I could no longer pronounce words with 'o' and 'w' in them. My nose, on the other hand, seemed to be melting.
As a result, I am now pro-hibernation. I can't find a downside! You eat as much fattening food as you like in the fall, spend the cold months wrapped up in an enchilada of warmth and comfort, and when you wake up you're skinny again! Not only is it a winter survival plan, but it is also the diet of the century.
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