2008 Woodie Awards
Lou's News: A Not News Report by Louis Armistead
Study of Health Effects of Nintendo Wii Discovers Nintendo Wii to be Awesome
Louis Armistead
Issue date: 2/26/08 Section: Life and Style
In a recent health class project to look into the physical benefits of playing active video games, one particular group found the Nintendo Wii to be "awesome."
"We were just going to chronicle how playing a virtual mobile game effected caloric levels in the human body, but I had no idea that the Wii would be so cool!" group member Sarah Blinta said.
"I mean you play tennis, but you're actually…like…playing tennis!"
Having no previous experience with Wii and having very little prior familiarity with other gaming systems, the group was won over in a matter of minutes after starting a bowling game.
"I didn't really know what to expect at first," research partner Julie Bedpileau said. "But after a few games of golf, I was completely hooked!"
While the research group has failed thus far to document any scientific evidence of how exercising with modern gaming modules works to lower cholesterol and increase physical energy, they have been able to reach numerous high scores in bowling and tennis.
Some are even bordering on reaching the coveted "pro" status in baseball and boxing.
This scientific study has gone so well that the students in question have even called their parents and requested to do independent studies on the this "extremely important and awesome" subject.
Timothy Aughten, a Montpelier born member of the group, says that if need be, he can drive home and take his little brother's Wii "while he's sleeping."
While normally Aughten would let his little brother be, his recent loss in a boxing match to a female group member has warranted the need for further experimentation.
While the group has thus far failed to document how a daily regiment of Wii Fitness would work with a well planned diet, they have done a considerable amount of research into how playing Wii pairs up with bong rips and thirty racks
"In most video games, you have to usually pause and put your controller down when the blunt gets passed to you," one more video game experienced group member reported.
"But with Wii bowling for instance, the time spent waiting for your turn is the perfect time to smoke the bowl and drink beer while the game remains virtually unaffected."
While the group failed to do a coherent presentation into the health effects of motion sensing gaming, their independent work has been going swimmingly.
"I'm a pro at every game now," a high strung Sarah Blinta said. "I wonder what other games they have for Wii. What's that? Mario Galaxy? Oh man, it's gonna be a good summer!"
"We were just going to chronicle how playing a virtual mobile game effected caloric levels in the human body, but I had no idea that the Wii would be so cool!" group member Sarah Blinta said.
"I mean you play tennis, but you're actually…like…playing tennis!"
Having no previous experience with Wii and having very little prior familiarity with other gaming systems, the group was won over in a matter of minutes after starting a bowling game.
"I didn't really know what to expect at first," research partner Julie Bedpileau said. "But after a few games of golf, I was completely hooked!"
While the research group has failed thus far to document any scientific evidence of how exercising with modern gaming modules works to lower cholesterol and increase physical energy, they have been able to reach numerous high scores in bowling and tennis.
Some are even bordering on reaching the coveted "pro" status in baseball and boxing.
This scientific study has gone so well that the students in question have even called their parents and requested to do independent studies on the this "extremely important and awesome" subject.
Timothy Aughten, a Montpelier born member of the group, says that if need be, he can drive home and take his little brother's Wii "while he's sleeping."
While normally Aughten would let his little brother be, his recent loss in a boxing match to a female group member has warranted the need for further experimentation.
While the group has thus far failed to document how a daily regiment of Wii Fitness would work with a well planned diet, they have done a considerable amount of research into how playing Wii pairs up with bong rips and thirty racks
"In most video games, you have to usually pause and put your controller down when the blunt gets passed to you," one more video game experienced group member reported.
"But with Wii bowling for instance, the time spent waiting for your turn is the perfect time to smoke the bowl and drink beer while the game remains virtually unaffected."
While the group failed to do a coherent presentation into the health effects of motion sensing gaming, their independent work has been going swimmingly.
"I'm a pro at every game now," a high strung Sarah Blinta said. "I wonder what other games they have for Wii. What's that? Mario Galaxy? Oh man, it's gonna be a good summer!"
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