2008 Woodie Awards
The College Life
Broke-ed-ness
Susan Flufferton
Issue date: 3/4/08 Section: Life and Style
It's getting to that point in the school year: everyone is broke.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and my friends and I have fallen victim to slumming due to our broke-ed-ness.
You've seen us around.
Attending ALANA meetings and UPB events just to scam free food.
Running late to class because we're filling out a 15-minute survey in the Davis Center atrium for a mere Milky Way mini bar.
Can you blame us?
With $3.40 in my savings account and 38 cents in my checking account, I can't afford to buy food.
I can't even afford to withdraw money from an ATM, which is why I am always seen buying lighters at Rite Aid to get $5 cash back.
And as my broke-ed-ness increases, the quality of my diet subsequently decreases, as in nothing for breakfast, nothing for lunch, and by 4 p.m. I'm so hungry I end up spending 10 bucks at New World Tortilla for a Thai chicken wrap and a drink.
So much for being economical.
While I eagerly await my bi-weekly $137 UVM work-study check, I even begin to consider participating in sketchy Fletcher Allen studies.
Seems easy enough, take a little Viagra and make $75 bucks! So what if I'm a woman.
Then things start to get really desperate.
I usually begin by searching my car and apartment for change I can cash in at Coinstar.
And while cans and bottles are only worth five cents, I begin to religiously separate them from my recycling like a homeless person.
Then I skip class to drive to the north end to cash them in, all for $3.45.
The alcohol I consume also begins to decrease in quality as my bank account dwindles.
While I started the year drinking handles of Ketel One and Miller Lite bottles, I can now be seen around town sipping on S.S. Pierce and Natty light.
Come on, they were on sale!
It is interesting though that when I have $15 to my name, a thirty rack sounds like an excellent way to spend it.
And when my funds are completly depleted, I am forced to flirt with sketchy men at RiRa's in order to procure free drinks.
What am I supposed to do, stop drinking altogether?
Checks also seem like a good idea due to their time lapse.
Good thing my drug dealer accepts them for $10 grams.
Despite my lack of monetary funds and the outrageous gas prices these days, like any lazy college student, I still drive up to campus Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
9:05 class at L/L, you have got to be kidding me.
Not to worry though, warm weather and summer jobs are quickly approaching, so by next September, I should once again have thousands to spend on alcohol, drugs and New World.
I can hardly wait.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, and my friends and I have fallen victim to slumming due to our broke-ed-ness.
You've seen us around.
Attending ALANA meetings and UPB events just to scam free food.
Running late to class because we're filling out a 15-minute survey in the Davis Center atrium for a mere Milky Way mini bar.
Can you blame us?
With $3.40 in my savings account and 38 cents in my checking account, I can't afford to buy food.
I can't even afford to withdraw money from an ATM, which is why I am always seen buying lighters at Rite Aid to get $5 cash back.
And as my broke-ed-ness increases, the quality of my diet subsequently decreases, as in nothing for breakfast, nothing for lunch, and by 4 p.m. I'm so hungry I end up spending 10 bucks at New World Tortilla for a Thai chicken wrap and a drink.
So much for being economical.
While I eagerly await my bi-weekly $137 UVM work-study check, I even begin to consider participating in sketchy Fletcher Allen studies.
Seems easy enough, take a little Viagra and make $75 bucks! So what if I'm a woman.
Then things start to get really desperate.
I usually begin by searching my car and apartment for change I can cash in at Coinstar.
And while cans and bottles are only worth five cents, I begin to religiously separate them from my recycling like a homeless person.
Then I skip class to drive to the north end to cash them in, all for $3.45.
The alcohol I consume also begins to decrease in quality as my bank account dwindles.
While I started the year drinking handles of Ketel One and Miller Lite bottles, I can now be seen around town sipping on S.S. Pierce and Natty light.
Come on, they were on sale!
It is interesting though that when I have $15 to my name, a thirty rack sounds like an excellent way to spend it.
And when my funds are completly depleted, I am forced to flirt with sketchy men at RiRa's in order to procure free drinks.
What am I supposed to do, stop drinking altogether?
Checks also seem like a good idea due to their time lapse.
Good thing my drug dealer accepts them for $10 grams.
Despite my lack of monetary funds and the outrageous gas prices these days, like any lazy college student, I still drive up to campus Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
9:05 class at L/L, you have got to be kidding me.
Not to worry though, warm weather and summer jobs are quickly approaching, so by next September, I should once again have thousands to spend on alcohol, drugs and New World.
I can hardly wait.
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